Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Hoden's Guide to Lovemaking and Small Engine Repair

Tip #5:

If you want to really sweep her off her feet, look deep into her milky white pupils,* take her in your arms while dipping her as deeply as her current hip allows, and in your most seductive voice, tell her "Baby, I'm going to make you forget all about Adolphe Menjou. **


Tip #31:

If you're having trouble starting your rototiller after a long winter, try draining the old fuel from the tank and replacing it with fresh fuel.  Your engine has to work much harder to burn old, stale gasoline--especially after it's been sitting unused for several months.

* Cataracts may make it hard for her to identify you; be sure to announce yourself before attempting physical intimacy.  If she also suffers hearing loss, work out some sort of prearranged secret handshake. 
** Google it. 

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