Sunday, September 15, 2013

Jesus Miguel Hernandez's Bucket List

Published Without Permission by Cap’n Adam Hoden
  1. Be pulled over by the US Postal Police.
  2. Claim a territory for the United States under the Guano Islands Act.
  3. Reincorporate the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.
  4. Travel back in time to 1930, push Edith Keeler into the path of an oncoming automobile.
  5. Be elected sheriff in the deep south, immediately give in to corruption.
  6. Find true love, thoroughly sabotage same. 
  7. Gain dominion over life and death, abuse the fuck out of it.
  8. Save Detroit.
  9. Collapse Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.
  10. Steal a Helicopter.
  11. Find out who’s been stealing my blood while I’m asleep. 
  12. Develop blowgun skills to the point that I can reliably hit Rick Berman with a curare dart.  
  13. Have angry intercourse with Anna Gunn.
  14. Learn shorthand.
  15. Apologize to Anna Gunn.
  16. Have angry, tearful intercourse with Paula Deen. ✓✓✓
  17. Finally put an end to the Winter Olympics.  
  18. Assassinate Hitler clone. 
  19. Destroy all records of having cloned Hitler.

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