Thursday, August 8, 2013

It's Hot, Goddamn It!

From Shamus "Inches" O'Toole

Penthouse just fired me because my letters weren't sexy enough.  My latest one's likely to go unpublished.  I wanted to post it here, but my honored associates refused to let me publish the whole thing.

After hours of negotiation--and serving them drinks full of chopped-up Flunitrazepam-- they agreed to let me share a short excerpt.  Here is what I feel is the most titillating passage:

...She was playing my manhood like a theremin. Not like in Good Vibrations, that was actually an instrument called a tannerin. Both are electronic in nature, and the two
instruments can sound very similar.  In fact, the tannerin is often referred to as an 'electro-theremin' for that reason.

Led Zeppelin often used a true theremin in live versions of Whole Lotta Love, which must be one of the most well-known uses of the device. Actually, I'm sure that some of the more popular songs played around Halloween included theremins, but at that moment, I couldn't think of any. Even if there were some, Whole Lotta Love was probably better known by virtue of being played by Zeppelin. Good lord was that a great band!

I started thinking about Jimmy Page, and immediately lost my erection.

"Oh well," I told myself, "the hour's almost up anyways." In truth, I probably could have salvaged the session, but I didn't want to take the chance of having to pay extra if I went over the allotted time.
I left the cash on the nightstand while she was cleaning up. I left less than I had agreed to pay, but I felt justified--pizza deliveries are free if they don't come in thirty minutes or less. By that logic, this evening should have been gratis.

While I was driving home, the local DJ told me to stay tuned for a thirty minute 'rock block' of Led Zeppelin.

Life was good.

Dude, fuck Penthouse, that's hot as hell.

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