Monday, December 5, 2011

Give Me a Fucking Job!

From Capt. Adam Hoden:

A few days ago, I got faced on a bottle of Listerine and watched a season of Bewitched. I do this a lot--not always in that particular combination, of course, I'll occasionally get crocked on aftershave and watch Mad Men.

These shows have quite a lot more in common than you might think. Both are more or less about casually misogynistic functional alcoholics who run ad agencies in the sixties. I consider myself a bit of a renaissance man (in that I do not bathe and rub mercury on my genitals to stave off syphilis), and I feel that I would make one hell of an ad executive, if only somebody would give me a chance.

So, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to submit an open application to any ad agency that would be willing to hire me. To prove it, heres a bit of Peterman-esque puffery I wrote to sell the beverage to which our beloved blog owes its very existence:



I woke up this morning half-naked in the back seat of a driverless taxicab. I had no idea where I was, or even what city I was in. My left shoe was missing, and I had no money, but I was pretty sure that the blood in my hair wasn't mine. Thank you, Night Train.

Any booze will get you drunk, but nothing gets you as fightingly, knee-crawlingly shit-faced as Night Train Express fortified wine. Not only is Night Train Express more powerful than other brands (17.5% alcohol by volume), but it's also dirt cheap and available almost anywhere!

So tonight, why not treat yourself to a good time? Punch a parking meter! Burn down a police car! Pass out in an intersection!

Night Train Express: Come on, it's not like you're gonna remember!

2 comments:

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