Thursday, December 15, 2011

Give me a Fucking Job Puffery 2

From Cap'n Adam Hoden

Today, the second entry in my campaign to become an ad executive:


As a police reserve officer, I’ve found myself in some hairy situations. The reservesare always called in whenever there’s an event that those cocky career officers can’t handle, and this November, they were screaming for us.


There were some...oh, let’s say ‘undesirables’ in town who had set up shantytown and were causing a minor inconvenience to some of our more well-to-do citizens. When when the rabble started picketing City Hall, the mayor called in the reserves.


As a reservist, I haven’t had the training that the career officers have had (or the experience, dedication, discipline, parking privileges,...). That’s why I’ll only carry the Oppressamatic 7700 Led-Wighted Riot Baton. No other truncheon has the durable mahogany construction combined with the impact-friendly lead end-weight of the Oppressamatic 7700.




Protesters will know you mean business when you brain them with the Oppressamatic 7700. Not even their Guy Fox masks will protect them from its awesome power. Thanks to Oppressamatic, those dirty hippies know that my mayor NEVER uses the back door.




Oppressamatic 7700: When you absolutely, positively gotta break some mother-fucker’s fingers.

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