Monday, December 12, 2011

An "Editorial" From Jesus M.

In memory of Andy Rooney.

From Jesus Miguel Hernandez:

Call me crazy, but I miss spontaneous erections. I remember a twelve year old Jesus standing in a museum, trying desperately to cover a meaningless, unwanted erection from his family. Nothing in particular had caused it--in fact, in this instance, it was wholly inappropriate.

We were on a tour of the Heard Museum in Phoenix, Arizona. The Heard is an institution that is dedicated to Native American art and culture; so in essence, I had sprung a boner while surrounded by the plight of the American Indian.

Today, this wouldn't be a problem. Were I to sport wood in such an undesirable situation, I would simply take a few deep breaths and perhaps think about Janet Napolitano, and the situation would resolve itself in no time. To my twelve year old body, however, there was absolutely nothing that would deter that unfocused excitement. Except it wasn't excitement, that meat-sword had honed itself upon nothing but the stimulus of--well, nothing.

In today's culture of four-hour Cialis and Viagra hard-ons, I can't help but look back on the innocent erections of my past with a fond nostalgia. Perhaps we will all one day learn to appreciate the spontaneous erections that only our youth could bring.

I'm Jesus Hernandez.

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