Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Beck and Fall (The Best Pun I Could Think Of)

Courtesy of the Captain Adam Hoden Library and Day Spa

Ladies and gentlemen, I feel like I’ve done myself a bit of a disservice in not posting this several months ago. You see, I’ve been sharing this belief with friends and family for nearly a year now, and I didn’t write about it sooner, because I didn’t really expect it to be an issue of any consequence.

Lately, people have been making fun of Glenn Beck. Ever since Beck made the move to Fox ‘News,’ he’s turned the crazy up past 11, and people have taken notice. Stephen Colbert has made great sport of mocking Beck’s moronic “War Room.” Colbert even subjected himself to mock endoscopy in response to whatever the hell this was.

The thing is, though, I’ve been making fun of Glenn Beck since before it was cool. I just didn’t post anything about it because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want my loyal reader(s) to know I thought it was funny to make fun of somebody with Down’s Syndrome.

I made fun of him when he insulted the State of Minnesota, the Islamic faith, Europe, Somalian refugees, and the US House of Representatives all in one really raciest interview:

I also made fun of him when he talked about the finer points of murdering Michael Moore on his nationally syndicated radio show:

BECK: Hang on, let me just tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out -- is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus -- band -- Do, and I've lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, "Yeah, I'd kill Michael Moore," and then I'd see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I'd realize, "Oh, you wouldn't kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn't choke him to death." And you know, well, I'm not sure.

And I really made fun of him when he asked fellow moron John Hagee if Barack Obama was the Anti-Christ. Not to mention all the other irritating, asinine, and offensive things that were said in this clip:

And then there's this:

By the way, the country was Bosnia and Herzegovina, then under the control of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

I'm not trying to take credit for anything, just stop saying I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

Ricky Grevias and Elmo

From Captain Adam Hoden

I finally see why everybody loves Elmo. I'm sorry I ever made fun of him.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Ok...Let's Pump the Breaks for a Second....

From Woody (Cricket Balls) Flavour

I read something the other day that just made me question the existence of everything.

From time to time I notice something that has existed for a long time and long been a part of global consciousness. You've probably done this too, noticing something about an old idea or some other noun. I think this is sort of something that happened with slavery to several people at once, "oh you know what? Forcing black dudes to harvest my grain is really really fucked."

Now I know that they haven't been practiced often in the last 50 years, but the lobotomy is an operation that is used as a reference in pop culture frequently. Most people know what a lobotomy is. It's always good for an insult: "you act as if you've had a lobotomy operation." The thing about it is though, for a period, lobotomies were performed quite frequently. JFK's sister even had a lobotomy. You should seriously read that wikipedia entry. Her story is one of the craziest things I've ever read. They jammed an ice pick through a hole in her skull (don't worry, it was no more than an inch of course) and stabbed it into her brain until she "became unintelligible." Seriously. That is some of the realest shit I ever heard.

Now there's a few things I want to break down for you. This occurred back in the 40s. That's a long time ago, but like, not really. After this happened it seems as though a couple of moderately bad things happened to the Kennedy family as a whole. I'm not going into huge detail here, BUT it seems as though karma returned to Rosemary's family in the form of oh I don't know, assassinations, plane crashes, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everyone EXCEPT the one sister that actually went and spent time with her at St. Coletta School for Exceptional Children (formerly known as St. Coletta School for Backward Children...Seriously).

Another aspect of this whole debacle(Dennis Miller) is the fact that Rosemary stayed alive, living in the school for Backwards Children until 2005. A few years ago. People had been being payed for like a hundred years to take care of Rosemary. The family? of 'em showed up, Eunice Kennedy Shriver. She's still alive mind you...happily married...apparently a great person. She spent the better part of a hundred year life living in a crazy house because the family found her "mood swings" to be something not easily suffered though.

The fact that this was allowed to go down in the US freaks the shit out of me. Really? We're gonna jam shit up your nose and see if it fixes your brain? This is allegedly the best country in the world...yet lobotomy? Fucking jesus, I'm moving to Canada.

A Brittish Comedian Fucks Cartman's Mom

From Mr. Flavour