Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Of Mice and Women

By Captain Adam Hoden, with contributions from Jesus Miguel Hernandez and Shamus O’Toole:

After reading and rereading our previous posts for the previous several days, I’ve become concerned that our opposition to Governor Sarah Palin could be mistaken as sexist—I’m looking at you Hernandez. I feel that, bearing this in mind, the honored fellows of The Special Needs Group (including Tobias the Sorry Clown, but not Woody Flavour) must clarify our position on Gov. Palin.

Sarah Palin should never be our Vice President. She is shockingly, shamefully, dangerously unprepared and unqualified for the position. This is not because she is a woman. The Vice President must be prepaired to become President of the United States at a moment’s notice; and Sarah Palin does not have the skills or knowledge that would make her an effective Chief Executive.

Our research minions have provided us with a list of Republican women who we think are vastly better qualified to be Vice President than Governor Palin. The following are just four of the members on that outstanding list of exceptionally qualified and respected women.

Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC): Sen. Dole is a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Duke University, and has attended graduate programs at Oxford and Harvard, receiving both a master’s in education and a Juris Doctorate from the latter. She was Secretary of Labor in the George H.W. Bush Administration, Secretary of Transportation under Reagan, and Federal Trade Commissioner under Nixon. Sen. Dole later served as president of the American Red Cross. She has served in the Senate since 2001 and has is currently a member of the Committee on Armed Services and the Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs.

Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME): Sen. Collins has been in national office for 11 years and is a member and the former chairman of the Homeland Security and Government Affairs Committee; a member of the Armed Services Committee; and Special Committee on Ageing. She has also served on the Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions; Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations; Ad Hoc Subcommittee on Disaster Recovery; Subcommittee on Oversight of Government Management, the Federal Workforce, and the District of Columbia among others.

Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-FL): Rep. Ros-Lehtinen is the longest serving Republican woman in Congress, having been a U.S. Representative continuously since 1989. She earned a PhD in Education from the University of Miami. She served in the Florida State Congress for six years between 1982 and 1988. Rep. Ros-Lehtinen is a ranking member of the House Committee on Foreign Affairs, and is currently co-chair of the Congressional Vision Caucus and the National Marine Sanctuary Caucus. Her eligibility office comes into question, however, having been born was born in Cuba.

Gov. Linda Lingle (R-HI): Gov. Lingle is the the first Republican, first woman, and first Jewish person to serve as governor of Hawaii. She served in several local political offices, founded the successful Molokai Free Press newspaper, and chaired the Hawaiian Republican Party before being elected for her first term in December of 2002. As Governor, Lingle played a key role in turning the state’s budget deficit of $250 million into a surplus of $730 million, a record for Hawaii. She also served as deputy chair of the 2004 Republican National Convention.

Knowing that these and several other experienced and qualified Republican women are available, one has to wonder what the hell John McCain was thinking.

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