By Shamus (the Sot) O’Toole
I’m tired of hearing from McCain about Joe the Plumber. Every day, every speech we hear more and more about Joe the Plumber. Now, Joe the Plumber even has a fucking publicist. I think I speak for the majority of the universe when I say ENOUGH.
I don’t want to hear what Joe the Plumber has to think. I don’t care what his stance on states’ rights is. I don’t need to hear his views on gay marriage. In fact, from this moment forward, I’m calling for a media ban on Joe Wurzelbacher and anybody else who uses the first name-article-occupation style moniker. This includes, but is not limited to: Joe the Plumber, Tito the Builder, John the Senator, Sarah the Simi-Literate Governor, George the President, Grace the Tax Clerk, Ted the Rock Star, Mott the Hoople, Sharon the Guttersnipe, Mack the Knife, or Winston the ‘Fixer.’
I’ve come to the decision, dear reader(s), that if John McCain wins the election, I’ll drink myself into a four year coma. At least I won’t have to deal with Joe the Cabinet Member. Nixon’s already tried plumbers in the Whitehouse, and it didn’t turn out so well for him.