Tuesday, August 5, 2008

In Solidarity

By Jesus Miguel Hernandez
With Cap'n Adam Hoden & Inches O'Toole

To demonstrate our solidarity with Gopalan Nair, a fellow blogger who faces fines and jail time in Singapore for insulting Singaporean Supreme Court Justices Belinda Ang, and Lai Siu Chiu. We think it prudent to remind the Justices that it could be much worse. So, without further ado, we would like to tell you the truth about said justices.

Belinda Ang is a pockmarked street hooker who long ago parted with her shame, and her gag reflex. Though the salary she draws as a Justice of a Singaporean High Court is more than ample to allow her to live in comfort, Justice Ang claims that she remains a dirty strumpet simply because she enjoys degrading sex with anonymous strangers.

Justice Lai Siu Chiu a dried up shrew. It is possible that her vagina once served a purpose, but historians are stumped as to what that purpose may have been. Today, she divides her time between sitting on Singapore’s Supreme Court and stealing little girls’ dogs. Her closest friends describe her as a bitch.

There you have it. I don’t see how anything Mr. Nair could have said could have been any more disparaging than the truth.

Friday, August 1, 2008

A Perfectly Servicable Species

From the Special Needs Group

We would like to apologize to the human race for Shamus (Inches) O’Toole’s condemnation of the humanity as a species. The Special Needs Group as a whole believes humanity to be a perfectly serviceable species that is in no way running headlong to its own destruction. It is, however, common knowledge that any of the higher mammals would do a far better job of running the planet than humans.

We feel that it was unfair to suggest that mandatory sterilization would be a solution to this planet’s problems. Besides, it would likely take decades to have any recognizable effect.