Monday, May 5, 2008

Oh, Sassy is SO Worse!

By Inches O’Toole

The polls have closed, the votes have been counted. Ladies and gentlemen, apparently cat art is more repugnant than the word ‘sassy.’

Far be it from me to challenge the democratic process, but you’re wrong. To be fair, though, we shall hereafter ban all forms of feline fine art. We shall also continue our policy of grinding sassy-mongers into chuck.

This week, Big Mouth Billy Bass:

Verses, this guy:

Why do we keep seeing singing mounted animals? For God’s sake, this should have stopped years ago. I’ve seen singing, dancing Santas, deer heads, fish bones, and even lobsters. They’re in such poor taste that even self-avowed redneck Jeff Foxworthy makes fun of them. I can’t even listen to Take Me to the River anymore without feeling nauseous.

What can I say about SpongeBob SquarePants that the Book of Revelations hasn’t said already? As a cast member of Mr. Show, Tom Kenny commanded our respect. Most of us loved him as Shakes the Clown. We were enthralled by his performance of Heffer. Now he’s just that jackass what voices SpongeBob. This cankerous little sponge has ruined Mr. Kenny just like he is ruining our children.

Vote well.

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