By Jesus Miguel Hernandez
My honored associate, The Good Captain Adam Chelsea Hoden, has temporarily lost his voice in a tragic bulimia accident. As an act of solidarity, I shall—from this moment until Captain Hoden’s voice returns, in triumph, to its time-honored domicile—become mute.
Those of you who have read to the nomen of my declaration may ask “But what of Goodman O’Toole? Will he become silent as well?” Well, my friends, he has already fallen silent. By an astounding coincidence, our honored associate was, just last night, struck repeatedly about his larynx by an angry school girls’ tennis team. The resulting swelling has rendered him mercifully dumb—and left him with several humorous racket shaped bruises.
Though we shall still take joy in Screaming into the Void, for the next day or two, we shall be doing so silently.