Thursday, April 17, 2008

Sports Fuck! (3)

by Woody "Cricketbat" Flavour

Editor's Note: As always, Mr. Flavour's comments do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of The Special Needs Group, its affiliates, lackeys, sponsors, footmen, or parent company: Hernandez Plus-Sized Feline Apparel.

It's been months now. It's been months and months and no one has said it. Apparently I'm going to have to be the guy.

Is it just me or did people make the Micheal Vick dog fighting thing a bigger deal then it should have been? I, being the sportsmaster general of the Special Needs Group, am a ginormous proponant of sports...sports like dogfighting. Just because Goodman Vick was able to do what all Americans secretly want to do, does that mean that he needs to be drugged(correct spelling?) through the mud of our shabbily fucked political system? Fuck no. Dogfighting, when conducted at the appropriate speed, can be a beautiful thing.

There's nothing more (or less, depending on what you like) American than sitting down with two or three or an arena full of your good buddies and watching some canines eat eachothers faces off. I can recall many summer nights with my two friends and the dogs we'd stolen from our neighbors and other folks around town. If we werent able to get the dogs to fight we'd end up killing them ourselves. Our hometown was quite dogless after a couple years worth of us stealing multiple dogs and forcing them to kill eachother. As soon as we'd ran out of stealable, fightable dogs it was time to ramble on to the next town to continue betting on the fighting of dogs procured from strangers.

There's nothing inherantly wrong with forcing animals to kill eachother. Frankly, if dogfighting is wrong and unlawful then basketball should be as well. Studies show that just as many dogs die each NBA game as they do durring your common, run of the mill, town center dogfighting championship.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's time to fucking riot in the streets and protest until we canget mister Vick out of negative public favor and crown him "World Dog Fighting Champion of the Universe." I myself have been renting billboards around town and fixing them to display images of Vick, in his Footballing atire, spiking a pitbull in the endzone of a football field. This is costing me quite a bit of money but it will be worth it in the long run if the citizenry will get behind this wonderful cause.

It's time to make a positive change in the world. FREE VICK!

Addendum to Editor’s Note: For-the-love-of-God, please do not confuse Mr. Flavour’s opinions with those of any of the honored associates of The Special Needs Group; or those of any lucid, cogent human-being. He will be severely horsewhipped by the Special Needs Enforcers; who, I assure you, are burly and sadistic dog-lovers.

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