Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Oh, Deer

By Jesus Miguel Hernandez

I sat at my keyboard today, expecting to write a pithy article about the human consumption of dog meat. As I was researching the topic, however, I somehow ended up reading about—well, something else.

In 2001, Dr. Peter Singer, the Ira W. DeCamp Professor of Bioethics at Princeton University, wrote a review of Dutch biologist Midas Dekkers’s book Dearest Pet: On Bestiality. In his review, Professor Singer makes the argument that inter-species sex does not diminish a person’s humanity or the dignity of the human species as a whole, and cites several historical examples of bestiality.

The honored associates of The Special Needs Group support almost any brand of perversion that you can name—Captain Hoden even tells me he once caught Inches O’Toole porking a watermelon. We are unanimously opposed, however, to copulation with non-human animals.

There are two very important factors I considered in my decision to condemn such acts. First, I don’t want there to be any sexual tension between me and Fido. When my dog lays her big, slobbering head on my lap, I don't want to get aroused.

Secondly, prostitution, though illegal in most jurisdictions, is relatively cheap and readily available. If you ever feel so desperate that cattle become alluring, just spend ten bucks for a quick yank in an alley.

Tomorrow, I discuss why Appetite for Destruction, was better than Use Your Illusion.

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