By Captain Adam Hoden
I was wandering around the annals of a popular social site today. I noticed that the comments left on a friend’s profile were a little bland, and so, in the interest of interest, I posted the following:
It seems that you have been treated too well by your posting several. Please allow me to correct this oversight.
You are an absurd, bastard-sucking lowlife with all of the wherewithal of an incontinent mental patient. You spout clichés with carless abandon while having little or no idea of their meaning; though your fans may lavish praise upon you, they obviously have very little taste.
You weep effluent from every pore. Your every action causes perturbation and strife; you should be lanced and drained off the buttock of civilization. It is no stretch of truth to call you the worst human who has ever lived. I speak without hyperbole when I say that you, sir, are shit.
Hoping you are well,
Captain Adam Hoden
P.S. Hope to see you soon for tea.
Dictated but not read.