Dear Chairman Dean
I would like to respectfully submit my name for consideration as a Superdelegate to the Democratic National Convention.
I believe that there several reasons that I would make an exceptional “PLEO” delegate. Firstly, I am no longer a Communist. After some soul searching, I have come to accept that there will likely never be a workers revolution in central Idaho.
Secondly, no douche bag moves. I promise to vote whichever way the party tells me to. I am your tool, use me!
Finally, I’m willing to do anything to be a Superdelegate. Anything.
I know that there are people far more qualified than I to direct the future of the Democratic Party, but you, Sir, are legendary for giving young upstarts a chance. So, please, give me a chance. I am even willing provide my own transportation.
Thank you for your consideration,
Captain Adam Hoden
Dictated but Not Read