Monday, March 10, 2008

Letter from a Riverside Jail

By Inches O’Toole

Today was the opening of the USTA National Senior Husband & Wife Combo Grass Court Championships in Rancho Mirage California. As I was jonesing for some tennis action, I decided to take a trip to The Golden State.

Right off I’d like to thank the Hair of the Dog Pub, the only authentic British pub in Palm Springs California. I would, however, like to apologize for what I did to the bartender. To be fair, though, any decent barkeep knows that Thin Lizzy is from Dublin; not Belfast.

I’d also like to apologize to Enterprise Rent-A-Car. I will not be able to return your 2007 Ford Focus at the scheduled time. If you have any questions, please contact Gary Bergeron, the business manager of The Hair of the Dog Pub. He’ll be able to give you an estimate as to when his contractors will be able to remove your car from his east wall.

As a special note to Sheriff-Coroner Stan Sniff, the Indio Jail Facility is indeed an effective deterrent. Thank you very much for your hospitality.

If all goes well during arraignment, I’ll be reporting the final four days of the tournament courtside.

Sincerely,

Shamus O’Toole
Booking # RSO 13205

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